Thursday, April 20, 2006

Baby (grand)mama drama

Things are not well here at Casa MC & D. Actually, that is an exaggeration. Most things are fine. But a series of various events has made it clear that both my mother-in-law and my mother are upset, or at the very least miffed, at me (and maybe D) on subjects related to the bambina. And that makes me upset... and pissed.

The anger comes because my MIL, sturdy Yankee that she is, does not speak about what she wants or doesn't want. She expresses great satisfaction with everything you tell her, agrees wholeheartedly, and then sulks. And then says everything is fine. And then sulks some more. It drives me up the freakin' wall.

My own mother, meanwhile, sends emails like this one:
We have to talk. After reading [MIL's] e-mail I realize I need to talk to you about us too. I'll explain it all when we talk. Maybe Saturday sometime you and I could talk? No, you're going out of town. We'll catch up with each other and I'll catch you up on stuff.
Perhaps this doesn't seem all that infuriating to you, but it drives me nuts. If there is something wrong, why can't we talk about it today? And if we can't talk about it today, why can't you wait to tell me that you're upset until the time at which we can talk? I feel instantly as though I am 10 years old and in trouble, but that I don't know why and will have to wait until next week to find out.

So far, with only conjecture about what is going on in both our mothers' heads -- at least some of it is probably related to baby shower planning, as well as either our insistence on having things how we want them (the horror!) or our failure to request advice and/or assistance from our families on baby stuff, or all of the above -- D and I have somehow avoided a giant argument. There was a tense conversation when he got home from work, but we managed to get through it ok. We went for a walk down to the beach, where we ran into my sister and her husband. Managed not to gripe to them too much, and some of the anger dissipated. In its place, I just feel exhaustion -- physical, mental, emotional.

It's fine that our families have expectations of us, particularly when it comes to the birth of their first grandchild. But they can not expect us to meet them when they won't fucking tell us what they are.

I'm not sure that this post makes any sense at all, since the central issue is something about which D and I are both uninformed at the moment. And for a variety of reasons we can't begin to deal with it until I talk to my mother, who apparently is unavailable to talk to me until next week(!!). I have let her know that I would very much like to talk to her today, and am waiting for her reply. And patience... let's just say that it's not one of the qualities I have in abundance. This is such a miserable time to be forbidden from having a glass of wine... I'm off to have a sip of D's, then to stew some more while I cook dinner. Grrr.

Edited to add: Here goes the bloggy jinx again. D and I argued a bit before dinner... and dinner itself was a lost cause, since the asparagus that was a main ingredient had gone all mushy. My mom says she won't have time to call me until Saturday morning, when we are leaving for Providence to see some friends, meaning we're not going to connect until Monday at the earliest. And she confirms that my MIL is upset, but (rightly) is not sharing details. I am so worn out by all of this.