Monday, January 01, 2007

If this is really how 2007 is going to go, consider this my letter of resignation

Ah yes, a joyous start to the new year 'round these parts. We had a fantastic dinner last night with my sister and brother-in-law; she made a great antipasto plate and a gorgeous cheesecake, and I made a beef ragu for pasta, complete with grated orange zest garnish. It was lovely. And since then I've been miserable.

It was my turn to take a night alone with Ess; D had offered to do a night by himself on Saturday so I could get some much needed sleep after taking the brunt of the sleep deprivation at my parents' house. She was pretty good for him -- just one, 45-minute bout of crying, and only one feeding -- but last night she apparently just could not settle down, with a relatively constant low-grade whine from 9:30 until about midnight; obviously, I did not get much sleep. She was up again at 2:30 or so, with more whining for a while. And then when she slept in until 7:15 this morning, I couldn't take advantage, as I lay in bed and thought dire thoughts about what fate might have befallen her that she did not wake at 6 am as usual. I couldn't quite get myself out of bed to go check on her, so clearly I wasn't that worried... but it was not a restful way to spend that extra hour. I wish I could stop my thoughts from wandering down those dark corridors in my brain.

Today my cold is worse, with D's cough having come to roost in my chest and my brain feeling slow and wonky. I should really be doing the dishes piled up after last night's feast, but I burned the back of my hand on the oven last night and apparently ignoring it was a bad idea, as I have an oozing little wound there which makes dish-washing somewhat unappealing. What's more, Ess and I are likely not going to get out today, between our colds and the miserable conditions outdoors.

All of this whininess is exacerbated by the beginning of the first week of our new schedules. D's part-time paternity leave has officially ended, and he is back to work full-time. But in order to minimize Ess' time in daycare, he has opted to work four 10-hour days. With commuting time and the occasional errand, that means he's going to be gone for at least 11 hours most days, which I am not looking forward to. Tomorrow, for example, he works from 9 to 7. So he'll be around to spend a little time with Ess in the morning, but will leave by 8:40 or so and be back after she's in bed. That makes one loooong day for the two of us. The same is true for him on Thursdays, which will continue to be Daddy and Ess days while I am gone for 12 hours.

I know lots of y'all have arrangements like this and I'm sure it will all work out just fine, but it's a big change for our little family. I will no longer be able to pop my head out of the home office to hang out with D and Ess for a few minutes on a whim; I will work here by myself all day, then rush over to daycare to fetch her when my days ends and then put her to bed on my own. I don't know how we're going to get dinner made, or when D and I will get to have much of a conversation, but I know we'll work those things out. It's just hard to contemplate on this icy gray Monday, with a hacking cough and a whiny, runny-nosed little peanut who really does not want to take a nap.