Saturday, November 25, 2006

A whole night's sleep

Yep, last night I slept wonderfully, from 10:30 to 7 am. Only up at midnight and five am.

Of course, this was not because Ess had a wonderful night, but rather because my amazing husband decreed that I was to spend the night in the guest room while he attempted to wrangle the wily (and wakeful) child. The night before, I'd taken care of her solo while D was in the guest room, and It Did Not Go Well. I won't bore you with a blow-by-blow, but suffice it to say that some time around 12:30 I yelled in my crying baby's face "Shut up, why can't you just shut up?" I scared the crap out of her, and out of myself, and so the two of us spent a while crying together. I was an absolute wreck yesterday, convinced that I'm not capable of raising this child, worried about the part of me that wanted to hurt her while she screamed, despairing that it would ever change. Thus, my exile last night to the guest room with the door shut and a fan on to drown out any sounds from upstairs.

D did not have a great night with her last night -- she really, really hates being transferred back into the crib lately, where it never used to bother her -- but I got a solid night's sleep and was able to pump in two sessions almost all of what she drank overnight. My cold is much improved today as a result, as is my mental state. It doesn't hurt that I got some errands done this morning, and started the decluttering of the house that's been needed for months. This afternoon we put on some fancier clothes and ran down to the beach so a friend could take our Christmas picture, and tonight we're having pizza (again) while D and a friend watch the big Midwestern Catholic School game; I'll be on the PC, working on the Super-Secret Holiday Project and, perhaps, sipping a beer.

I'm under no illusions that Ess' sleep schedule is going to change any time soon. But it's amazing how much better I am able to handle that uncertainty with just one good night's sleep behind me.